Feedback vs. Advice
While I was working in Dubai, I met some absolutely amazing people. I have relationships that I continue to nurture today through various social channels. I’ve even maintained an International phone line through AT&T so that I can be available for any calls when the time comes. (I also work in Canada a few times a month so that justifies it too I guess)
One of those many relationships I was able to build was with Azzam Fakhoury. Azzam was at an early-stage prop-tech startup when we first connected, and we had a lot to talk about as a result. We’ve stayed in touch since I departed Dubai and today he’s at McKinsey working as an Engagement Manager, which is a fancy term for Consultant.
During a chat with Azzam last week, he mentioned that he had recently heard a talk on the value of feedback vs. advice. This statement resonated with me.
“Asking for feedback is usually asking about an event from the past. You are asking about how you did something, or how you have shown up previously. Feedback is great, but you’re also asking someone to dig into a previous moment to package up information to share with you in a proper manner. If you ask for advice, you are asking the individual about how to handle events in the future, and or how to show up in a way that makes you better. Ask for advice”
I loved this, and it instantly reminded me of an offsite in which we were asked to give feedback to the people in the room. It was uncomfortable because it was out of context. I was digging into a menu of events that had previously taken place to try and share a relevant example.
“Here’s the thing, Steve, I think you’re relatively a jerk, so let me also tell you about the way you handled that meeting in November of 2022”
Feedback is great, if you are in the middle of the situation. Feedback is great when the timing of the event is relevant.
For example, right as you come out of a meeting in which you were speaking, if you ask for feedback in that moment then it’s relevant. You have something tangible to reference. That way the person giving the feedback can also reference something that actually holds weight.
If you’re asking for feedback even during a 1:1 about something that took place in the past week; again you have relevancy to work from.
If you’re asking for feedback at a later date, or even an annual review, it can be rather difficult to go deep into the vault and create relevance.
Ask for advice.
If you ask for advice, you are giving someone an opportunity to share their experiences, ideas, thoughts, and more with you. Advice gives a person the ability to narrow in their experiences with relevancy to your situation for the road ahead.
For example, if you are a first time manager and you ask for advice from a more senior leader, they can share with you all of the pitfalls to avoid.
It’s also important to ask for advice with a framed up question. Don’t ask for general advice, rather ask for advice that is specific. “Do you have any advice for me on how to handle the Weekly Business Review meeting?”
By asking it from a framed point of view, you give the responder the ability to stay in the proper lane and support you.
Don’t get me wrong, feedback is invaluable. But when you ask for advice you may get something more meaningful for the future.
by Scott Bond
