Why Some People Avoid The Feedback They Seek
Believe it or not, people pay me to give them advice, and then I have to work to get them to meet. I know it sounds crazy, right? Why would someone willingly give me their money in exchange for a meeting or series of meetings and then cancel, reschedule, and/or delay actually meeting with me?
The reason is quite obvious. Actually, it’s because sitting for an hour and talking about our needs, our gaps, opportunities, or just areas where we need to improve is tough.
It’s the same reason why I dread talking to my therapist every other week. I know I have issues. I’m very aware of what they are, but I don’t really want to solve them. I thought it was good enough for me just to sign up with her in the first place!
So, after a few months of texting, emailing, and calling some of my coaching clients to try and nail down a time, it started to become obvious to me what was happening. At first, I felt like I was doing something wrong. I felt like I was pressuring people into meeting with me. I felt like I was pushing people to face their challenges when I should have been more organic in just allowing them to schedule time through a Calendly and then meet with them when they wanted. But I soon learned that the passive approach would have people paying me monthly to never actually meet and do the work, and while that sounds like a dream business model for me, it doesn’t actually help either of us achieve our goals in the end.
Then I thought, “Well, maybe I’m not helping people, and it’s me.” After all, I’m not a certified coach; I’m simply a guy who has spent thousands of hours in 1:1’s and meetings with my team, co-workers, and more. I have the on-the-job training to help coach people, but I haven’t spent time in a classroom earning certifications. So maybe it was me?
I’m part of the problem, but in a way that works. I’m part of the problem because I’m actually helping people to achieve more.
Over a year ago, I had my first-ever coaching client sign up. Today, I have 23 active clients. Only one client has ever fully canceled out of the program, but the rest have stuck with me from their sign-up date, which gives me some decent data to say I must be helping in one way or another. But perhaps I’m helping too much because it’s causing people to face their challenges and lean into the things that bother them most.
So why do we want to avoid the things in our lives that bother us? Why would we push the issues away to never solve?
It’s hard to deal with our challenges and realize we may have gaps. We like to think that we’re generally doing well and on the path to success, so when we start talking about how things are going and are challenged to think about things differently, that becomes really uncomfortable. It also becomes tough to admit that we may be going in the wrong direction in our careers or putting pressure and effort on the wrong things.
It’s human nature to avoid challenging or important topics. It’s why we talk at the surface level with people. When someone asks how we’re doing, we say, “I’m great,” but in reality, I may have a whole level of shit going on that I just don’t want to discuss.
Avoidance is real, but we must be mindful that the more we avoid challenging topics, the more they build up. And when they build up, we eventually break.
But we don’t have to break; we can build instead. That’s where coaching — or any support system — comes in. It’s not just about unloading or discussing challenges; it’s about constructing a plan to face them head-on. I remind my clients that every session is a step towards not just confronting but mastering their personal and professional landscapes. Even when they hesitate, it’s a sign that we’re inching closer to real change, and that’s both daunting and necessary.
The reluctance to engage in our issues mirrors our broader hesitation to engage with the complexities we’re dealing with. Yet, this avoidance does not safeguard us from challenges; it merely postpones our confrontation with them. By facing our issues, we open ourselves to the potential for significant growth and improvement. As a leader in the workplace and as a coach, I don’t just facilitate meetings; I try to support progress. My job isn’t to make clients comfortable with where they are, but to make them comfortable with the journey of getting to where they want to be. It’s about helping them see that while the road may be rocky, the destination is worth every step.
So stop avoiding whatever it is that you’re afraid of facing. Lean into what you already know is a challenge. Avoidance gets you nowhere in your career.
by Scott Bond
